A Cautionary Tale

Originally published November 1, 2023

(A true story – honestly!)

I’ll tell you all a story –
Give some advice to you
about a little accident
I had when cleaning through
my kitchen and the bathroom –
So much work I had to do!
I thought I’d bleach the toilet bowl
‘Coz I’d run out of ‘Bloo’;
I poured Domestos round the rim
and wiped some on the seat.
then left it there to do its work
and leave things clean and neat.
I had to do some shopping,
run some errands, pay some bills;
then I slowly struggled homeward
‘gainst the stormy, wintry chills.
The cold & damp affected me
in ways I’m sure you’ll guess,
so by the time I reached my flat
I felt quite in distress…
Hurriedly, I reached my door
and fumbled for my key,
because, my friends, by this time
I was desperate for a pee!
My poor bladder couldn’t wait;
once I had left the street,
so I clean forgot the germicide
I’d left upon the seat.
Down I sat, in sweet relief
but only for a second, as
the bleach began to burn my bum
on THAT I hadn’t reckoned!
So please remember, people,
when you put that bleach down neat,
to double-check you’ve washed it off,
before you use the seat.
Oh, the day I bleached my bottom;
what a potty thing to do.
I really felt a silly ass
when I sat down on that loo.