No, Actually, I Won’t Do The Math. You Do The Math, I’m Busy.

Originally published August 24, 2023

Wait. What? “You do the math?” I’ve got to do the math? Why have I got to do the math? You do the math. I’m busy.

No, I’m sorry, but you can’t just stop while you’re explaining something, look at me knowingly and say “well, you do the math.”

No! No, I won’t do the math. I hate the math.

One of the main reasons it’s preferable to be a grown-up instead of a child is not having to do any math. I’m not even sure I know how to do the math. I remember something about carrying the one, and if the same number is on both sides of the equation, you just ignore it, or remove it…or do you double it? That would make more sense if there are two of the numbers. Oh god, you see? This is exactly why I shouldn’t be expected to do the math.

That’s the problem, right there. If you want me to do the math, you’re going to have to give me the math, then I’m going to have to google how to do the math and, let’s be honest, I’m only going to end up getting distracted and watching old episodes of The Office. I always do.

Also, I’m not sure if you know this or not, but I am just really busy right now. It’s insane. I’ve got this presentation coming up and I’m trying to get all the PowerPoint slides sorted out, which I am really not very confident with. Then I’ve got my mother coming round with her foot, poor thing. And there’s my bathroom! I’ve got that really weird thing going on with the bathroom that I really need to get checked out. I mean, I really, really, do not have time to be doing math right now.

Why does it have to be me, anyway? Why can’t you do the math?

Wait a minute. Have you already done the math? You have, haven’t you? I can tell by the way you’re giving me that look. That’s it! You’ve already done the math. That’s why you’re explaining whatever it is you’re explaining. So, if you’ve already done the math, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO THE MATH! Just tell me the math. Tell me the math and finish your explanation and then I’ll understand what you mean without having to do any math and we can both just get on with our lives.

You’re not going to give way on this are you? You’re going to stand there with that stupid smug look on your face until I do the math. God, that is so-

Alright, fine. Give me the math and I’ll do it. I’ll do the damn math.

What do you mean “there is no math?” How can I do the math if there is no math?

You just meant the end of the explanation was obvious? Well, just finish the explanation then, if it’s so obvious. Why bring math into it? What’s obvious about math? Nothing. There is nothing obvious about math.

God, I wish I’d never joined this accountancy course.