Hi. I’m Lauren. I’m the strong female lead in that Applebee’s commercial you’re watching.

 

The cute blonde one? With the apron? Yeah! That’s me!

 

I know. I know. You can’t see my face or anything, but you should know that I delivered that food to the table without a smile.

 

Ballsy, right?

 

The whole process was actually really empowering.

 

Those ribs I served?  They were super saucy and hot. Just like me.

 

Well… because… they were me.

 

From me.

 

Yep.

 

Those were my actual ribs.

 

Yes.

 

Yep!

 

I cut em out and put em right on the plate!

 

Why?

 

Because I’m not a derivative of man !!! No rib of Adam’s!!!

 

I’m my own frikken person!!!

 

I’m a strong female lead!!!

 

Yes that was a biblical reference. A reclamation of the trope if you will.

 

You won’t?

 

Ok.

You want a side of fries with that closed-mindedness?

No.

No, the fries are not from my body.

Not everything is about my body!!!!! God!!!!! What is wrong with society!?!