Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He looked at the room,
Silent as a tomb,
And cried, “What a sad boy am I!”

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Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How anti-vax are you?
With trending tweets and lunacies
And R-naught very close to 2.

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Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Sipping her soy latte;
A nice anti-masker
Just sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.

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Jack be Nimble

Jack be nimble,
Jack be free,
Jack cut in front
Of Phase 1c.

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Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great bawl;
All the king’s AAs and all the king’s shrinks
Couldn’t get Humpty to give up his drinks.

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get away from downtown.
Jill felt bad but knew she had
To dump Jack before lockdown.

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Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Hickory, dickory, dock,
I’m on my daily walk;
But where’s my mask?
Fuck, where’s my mask?!
Hickory, dickory, dock.

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This Little Piggy

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed home,
This little piggy had a high-risk condition,
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went…
Wee, wee, wee,
to the ER!

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Yankee Doodle

Yankee Doodle went to town,
A-Driving his Corolla
Got himself curbside pickup
And called it eating out, yeah!

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There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do.
She put them on Zoom, like the school said;
And cursed them all quietly, with a sense of dread.