Headlines That Showed Up In Your Facebook News Feed During Frances Haugen’s Senate Testimony After Mark Zuckerberg Shoved the Algorithm Aside

“Internal documents that Haugen revealed showed how a 2018 change to Facebook’s News Feed rewarded content that provokes more emotion in people — particularly anger, because it prompts more engagement than any other emotion.”


“Responding after the hearing, Lena Pietsch, Facebook’s director of policy communications, said: ‘Today, a Senate commerce subcommittee held a hearing with a former product manager at Facebook who worked for the company for less than two years, had no direct reports [and] never attended a decision-point meeting with C-level executives.'”

NY Times

Congress Holds Hearings About Super-Boring Tech Stuff on What Is That, C-SPAN?

Woman Who Is Talking Says She Worked at Facebook but I Don’t Recognize Her

Also She Vivisects Puppies at Illuminati Meetings

Which She Totally Knows All About, Unlike Facebook C-Suite Meetings Which She Has Never Been to So How Could She Know Anything About the Puppy Vivisections?

Which Totally Don’t Happen at Facebook C-Suite Meetings and Why Would They Because Puppies Are Our People and I Would Never Vivisect Them

Even if Their Pineal Glands Sold for Forty Million Dollars an Ounce, Which They Don’t

And I Would Especially Never Vivisect Puppies in My Super-Secret Board Room in a Cold, Damp and Dripping Cavern Beneath Monterey Bay Where Sharks Swim Outside Foot-Thick Windows and Dark Candles Gutter Over the Sacrificial Altar, Which You Should Totally Check Out Except It Doesn’t Exist

OK I Am Seriously Losing My Shit Over the Testimony of This Woman Who Says I Care More About Money Than I Care About the Mental Health of Teenage Girls, I Mean Puppies, Which Is Total Bullshit Anyway Because I Do It All for the Dark Lord Baal I Mean I Do It All To Give People the Power To Build Community and Bring the World Closer Together

So Right Now You Need to All Come Closer Together and Be Really Mad at This Lady on TV Who Has Seriously Been Vivisecting Puppies Since the Early Seventies When She Learned How To Do It From Rudy Giuliani’s Third Ex-Wife, That’s Right He Got Divorced Again in 2019, I Bet You Didn’t Even Notice, Poor Guy He’s Had a Lot Going on Recently

Also Did You Know I Kill All My Own Meat? Isn’t That Cool?

Please Don’t Leave Me


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