Choreographers and drama teachers around the globe are encouraging citizens of Earth to rest their instruments and limber up. This push for preparedness comes with news that Lin-Manuel Miranda is one step closer to achieving EGOT status after earning an Oscar nomination in the best original song category for Encanto’s “Dos Oruguitas.” EGOT is an acronym for the Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony Awards. Miranda already has secured three Tony Awards, three Grammys, and two Emmys.
Miranda’s potential EGOT is anticipated by some to have a far greater and immediate impact on everyday life than we have seen in the past. “Lin2K,” as it is known among concerned creatives, will have been achieved over just a few short years and that velocity of cultural omnipresence coupled with the age of social media, leads many in the tight-knit theater community convinced his EGOT completion will have seismic consequences.
“Let’s be honest. Nobody GAF when Helen Hayes or Marvin Hamlisch went EGOT,” said New York Times film critic A.O. Scott from behind a paywall. “But Lin appears to be beloved by all. Have you seen what happens anytime someone plays the Hamilton soundtrack? The reaction by anyone and everyone is positively Pavlovian.”
“Everyone had bunkers full of canned goods for Y2K but folks seem dangerously blasé about a potential Lin2K,” warned composer Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber from one of his castle turrets. “I would wager a trio of my beloved pet unicorns that, when that EGOT occurs, tens of millions will take to TikTok to sing tribute tunes like ‘not throwing away my EGOT.’ So, why not figure out your lyrics and optimal acoustics location now? Why not have your hot water, lemon, and humidifier steamer ready ahead of Oscar night? Preparedness. It’s just common sense.”
The plea for practice isn’t limited to vocals.
“I fully expect literal dancing in the streets the moment his name is read,” purred a needlessly upright and wildly gesticulating Dancing With the Stars judge Bruno Tonioli. “Everyone, and I mean everyone should be watching In the Heights on a loop between now and the night of the Academy Awards. I don’t care you are in Times, Tiananmen or Trafalgar Square, when Lin lovers spill into the street they need to be locked in on the basics. What is the floor pathway? Is there mirroring in a specific section? Will there be a reversal here or an echo there? And, sure, improvisation is fine but not for everyone all of the time!”
At least one legend believes the world has been spared a collective flop in the past and warns we may not be as fortunate again.
“If Lin had won his Oscar when nominated in 2017 then we would have been facing this moment last September after his Emmy triumph,” said a feather-boa wearing Patti Lupone while sipping a dry martini at Sardi’s. “We have been given a director’s dream gift of additional time. The least we can do is rehearse. And, as God is my witness, I will personally hunt down anyone who is out in my streets clapping on the ones and threes!”
Mr. Miranda was unavailable to comment citing an overtaxed schedule that includes composing four film scores, a new rock-rap opera, the music for an upcoming Disney attraction, an Apple TV + pilot starring Timothy Chalamet and rescuing a several more bookstores.