Without naming names, some of the top tennis players in the world shed tears after being defeated in this year’s U.S. Open. (As well as last year’s. And the year before. Etc.) One assumes it was simply because they lost the match…but then, you never know what’s really going through their minds. 

1.  Their mother is going to torture them with, “See, I told you to finish college.”

2.  It’s 5:30 and the traffic going back to their Manhattan hotel is going to be a nightmare.

3.  Their coach is going to force them to watch a replay of the match and they’re going to have to suffer through McEnroe’s and Evert’s wise-ass comments.

4.  Tomorrow’s lunch and/or dinner will be airline food.

5.  They won’t get to sign those three winner tennis balls and hit them into the stands, which seems like more fun than playing.

6.  Knowing that the person who won is also hotter looking (especially since their girlfriend or boyfriend has commented on it a few times).  

7.  Having to return to a town that has fewer restaurants than the street their Manhattan hotel is on.

8.  A bizarre residual effect from watching An Affair to Remember the previous night.

9.  What will Michael Jordan think?

10.  To give friends and family an opportunity to have fun teasing them with, thanks to Tom Hanks, “There’s no crying in tennis!”…thinking that it’s the least they could do for them after they spent all that money to watch a loser.