Retailers Renamed To Boost Halloween Sales

Simon Property Group, the largest mall developer in the United States, today announced a unique promotion with retailers in it’s properties. Vice President for Special Marketing Andrew Kelp explains, “Last year Americans spent ten billion dollars on Halloween, with nine billion of that alone spent at Sprit Halloween stores. In order to capitalize on those sales, we’ve partnered with numerous retailers to have them temporarily renamed.” 

Kelp believes the temporary Halloween-themed names could increase sales by as much as forty percent in their properties. Coming soon to a mall near you this Halloween season:

Bat and Bloody Works

Freddy Kroger

Best Die

Lids for Severed Heads

Snake-Filled Starbucks 

Rabid American Eagle

Psycho Macy’s

Dracula’s Chick-fil-A Experience

Tommy Hellfiger  

Haunted LensCrafters

Cheesecake Factory of Doom

Poison Apple Store

Barnes and Noble Where All the Books Give You Paper Cuts

Victoria’s Secret Pumpkin 

T.G.I. Zombies 

No Escape Room 

Sleep Number 666

Demon Marcus

Five Guys Who All Want to Kill You

Abercrombie and Filth

Satan and Buster’s 

Dead Body Shop 

Transylvania Pizza Kitchen

Casper the Ghost, Not the Jeweler 

Chichokele Mexican Grill

Vineyard Death Vines

Shards of Swarovski Crystal on the Floor and You’re Barefoot, Blindfolded, and Have to Walk on Them

The Gap for Skeletons

Agent Orange Julius 

Dr. Martians 

Caskets Madewell

Rotten Banana Republic 

Target on Your Head 


Johnston & Murphy & Frankenstein

Damned Taylor 

Taco Hell

Guess? How You’re Going to Die? 

Trapped in a Footlocker


Killer-Bear Workshop

Charley’s Philly Stakes For Killing Vampires 

Brooks Brothers on Fire


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