She Wants To Buy My Husband

but I don’t know how to price him.
Mine is aging, 
mine is sagging,
his energy is slacking.

And is the money worth what I will lose?
Who will open jars, 
change the light bulbs,
clobber bats?

I can hire Mr. Fix-it,
young and strong and handsome,
who would get the job done
faster, with a smile.

After calculating total debt
and adding in a cruise,
I name a price outrageous
that she pays. 

She can grab him at the bar
where other pre-owned husbands
park their butts, drink beer, 
and shout at the TV.

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