“There are now 175 online mattress companies—and you can’t tell them apart.”

–CNBC

Hi All,

Just wanted to touch base about the rebrand, specifically the naming initiative, and to reiterate a few key points concerning goals.

Remember, it’s not enough to sell a great mattress.

Because no one is going to have any clue how great it is unless it has a great name. Ideally, we want to aim for a one-word name that is equal parts irreverent and ironic and—this is key—has nothing to do with sleep whatsoever.

Verboten words:

• Slumber, shuteye, snooze, and Sandman. To be safe, avoid any words beginning with S.
• Any words that suggest making a bed or things that happen in a bed, like fluff, flutter, or toot.
• Land of Nod. (Self-explanatory.)

Instead, imagine Adele releasing her next album, the mysteriously titled “Mattress” instead of “35” or “37” or whatever age she’ll be when she releases said album. Think of the profound experience that Adele would have had to have gone through on a mattress to inspire her to ditch her number-themed naming convention. That’s what we want to capture in our name.

Below are some ideas that I want to re-surface.

WAKEY-WAKEY. Love the energy with this one and how it’s totally irreverent and the opposite of what people might expect from a mattress company. This could lead to some innovative marketing campaigns. Maybe something with giant googly eyes? I know they figure prominently in the movie Everything Everywhere All at Once. Wondering if we can do a tie-in? Just riffing here! #nobadideas

Asparagus. Asparagus is a spring veggie, so we have the whole rebirth and refresh thing implied. One possible problem, however. The smelly pee thing. Not sure how common it is for people to hear the word “asparagus” and think “stinky pee”?

And some of you have (rightfully) expressed concerns about the phallic symbol. A fair point since our target demo is Gen Z, younger Millennials, woke Gen Xers, and men who identify as feminists (and who have no problem tweeting about it). Although maybe with Asparagus we’ll end up bringing more couples together since any “dudes” seeing the name might have a Freudian slip and subconsciously think “Asparagus spear! My penis! This is the mattress for me!” And then they’ll be an easier sell?

Pomegranate or Grapefruit. There’s something so alluring about soft, warm, juicy fruits, isn’t there? The whole resembles-the-female-anatomy thing may or may not be an issue if we don’t call attention to it. Or maybe we should lean into it? I’d love to hear thoughts from people with vaginas on the team (provided they feel safe sharing).

Flute. So whimsical! So light and airy! What other instrument could possibly be affiliated with sleep? It would have to be a woodwind instrument (percussions are too “up and at ’em), and the only other reasonable option might be the piccolo. The words oboe and bassoon, while not intending to be offensive, are, in fact, offensive.

Cheryl. Alternative: Gladys.

WILD CARD IDEA: Fesnyng. This name has the benefit of looking like a made-up word. But it’s 100% real. A fesnyng means a group of ferrets. So you wouldn’t say “a group of ferrets.” You’d say “a fesnyng of ferrets.”

Ferrets sleep around 16 hours a day. And get this: Ferrets are neither nocturnal nor diurnal. It’s an inclusive animal that doesn’t discriminate when you sleep, which is precisely the brand we’re trying to create. A mattress for everyone, a mattress just for you. (Possible tagline? Let’s keep that one on our collective radar.)

Also, think of all the fun we could have with our YouTube videos! One concept: The Fesnyng mattress is in a field of purple poppies with ferrets parachuting overhead and landing ever so softly on said Fesnyng and instantly falling asleep. I’m wondering if we can get the rights to “The Sound of Music”? Or maybe we go WAY in the other direction and license “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails? #ifyouknowyouknow

Would love to get everyone’s thoughts on the above before we head into the afternoon Zoom call about changes to the unlimited time off policy that went into effect on Jan 1. (And please stop asking me if I know anything. I’m the creative director, and though my title begins with a C, I’ve never been considered part of the C-suite. I’m just like you! #inthistogether)

Ping me on Slack if you have any Qs.

Best,
Sammy

PS: Ferrets! 🙂