Women Finally Admit That They Aren’t People


Hey you men out there. We women know that you’re “having a rough go at it,” and we’re really sorry.

Sorry we’re not more articulate about how sorry we are. We’re just so used to saying sorry that it’s hard to think of much else to say besides sorry. So, sorry about that.

In the face of this Kavatastrophe, (We women do have a knack for turning nationwide travesties into funky puns…) we ladies have decided to come together and confess what frankly, we should have admitted years ago. 

I mean heck, had we known what we know now about feminism, we would’ve told you awesome, very smart and cool men (you guys are just so POWERFUL. Sorry, was that too much?), the truth WAY earlier! Sorry we didn’t. 

Feminism. Blech. More like FEM-men don’t deserve to be this uncomfortable-ISM, right? Me too?  Please. More like MEN TOO suffer from problems as well, you know? Women’s rights? Enough! More like Woooo well hey now what about Men’s rights let’s not forget? Sorry. Lady puns for days. We can’t resist. AND, come to think of it, we won’t. 

Resist, that is.

Because here’s the truth fellas. You had it right all along.

We’re not PEOPLE. That’s right. Women aren’t people.

We have never been people. We may look like people and talk like people, but we aren’t real people. Freakin’ gotcha boys! We’ve been fooling you men, the authentic people, for centuries and centuries. And you believed us!

Well, sort of.

I mean, in general you had a sneaking suspicion that we weren’t people, hence all the bad stuff you did and do to us, but joke’s on us, because you were right! We AREN’T people. Haha!

So seriously, sorry for bothering you all  with women’s rights and sexual assault and all this me too me three movement stuff. We didn’t realize it would make you men so upset. That was never our intention. We don’t want you to be sad!

And hey, if we were actual people this whole women’s movement would matter a lot more.

But we’re not! And it doesn’t!

The jig. is. up. What a relief.

So you men, you keep on keeping on doing what you’re doing. You’re great! Oh, and DON’T treat us like we’re people, (not that you were anyway, you’re so intuitive). Because hey, we’re women, yes, but we are NOT PEOPLE!



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