I named my baby Dishwasher and it was the best choice I ever made. My parents encouraged me to give her some basic bitch name like Rachel. They also mentioned Samantha, my grandma’s name-As if! That name fricking hurts my eardrums! Those names suck and set a child up for a boring life as an accountant or a social worker. All I wanted for little Dishwasher was to set her up for life as a star.

The bonus is that I get so much attention in my mommy and me class! All the moms went around the room saying their kids’ names “blah blah blah Jenna blah blah Amanda” and then when I went, mouths were dropping! I had like 5 mothers come up to me after to ask advice on future baby names.

I know that I’m not a celebrity, but I once streaked and the youtube vid of it went viral! Like who cares about actors or famous writers, like the world is going more digital and being a viral sensation must count for something… Like I don’t think Gwyneth or Holly should be the only ones to be allowed to name their baby something stupid-like I deserve the chance to! Like it’s a free country.

Little Dishwasher watches American Idol for hours and is getting geared up for the life of a celeb. I even started her on a baby diet cause gotta watch that weight-she legit only eats baby carrots and micro smoothies from Equinox! So glad I’m starting my child out right. I think for my next child, I will name them Starship, because that name also has star power too. I am setting my children up for a life of impact, and for that I feel so #blessed and proud of myself.