Welcome to our farm! Where all of our chickens are certified freelance! But what do we mean by freelance chickens exactly?
Well for one, our chickens have never been caged or possessed any form of long-term employment that would make their parents rest easy at night.
Our farm isn’t like those inhumane ones where chickens are forced to live out the entirety of their lives inside tiny claustrophobic cages. Instead, our chickens live out the younger-middle portion of their lives in a marginally larger Williamsburg studio apartment with three other free-lance chickens.
You see, we start by collecting eggs from the graduating class of a small private liberal arts college in the Northeast. We then incubate the eggs with gentle U.V. light and lofty aspirations of procuring New Yorker bylines until they hatch. The little chicks then complete a summer internship in New York City before they are allowed to roam freely between their shared studio apartment and various Brooklyn coffee shops. It is during this time that the free-lance chickens look for writing inspiration and work and frolic through the green but often unpromising pastures of Upwork and Indeed.com.
Honestly, why eat a chicken pumped with harmful antibiotics and hormones when you can eat a chicken pumped with self determination to be their own boss, but the lack of financial security to consistently afford guac on their burrito?
In our commitment to health, our freelance chickens are all natural with no artificial coloring, unless they’ve just gotten highlights. We also take pride in the fact that all of our freelance chickens are strictly not GMO (Generating Money in their Occupation) and have passed all inspections by the USDA (United States Department of Adulting).
Our poultry is also never frozen! In fact, it’s actually consistently pretty warm since the chickens’ rudimentary Williamsburg apartments are not equipment with any air conditioning.
And yes, our chickens are grass-fed. But very sparingly as we want to ensure that each chicken retains that “starving artist” quality. We do however occasionally supplement their diet with other strictly natural nourishments like a single almond croissant or a Swell™ water bottle filled with stolen lobby coffee.
So come on down to our farm, where our free-lance chickens are not only healthier but also have more flavor and personality! If you don’t believe us check out their writing portfolios on WordPress and read their quirky bios!