Mom And Dad Give The Sex Talk At The Outback Steakhouse

Photo by Snapwire on

Now, when a Sheila and a Bloke love each other…

Or a Sheila and a Sheila love each other.

Or a Bloke and a Bloke.

Or a Sheila that identifies as a Bloke loves a Sheila…

Or a Bloke that identifies as a Sheila loves a Sheila - 

Or a Bloke!

Or two Sheilas that identify as Blokes, or two Blokes that identify as Sheilas love each other.

Or two Sheilas and a Bloke.

Or two Blokes and a Sheila.

Or three Blokes.

Or three Sheilas!!

…they might feel urges.

Thunders from down under.

And that’s OK. That’s beautiful.

We’re talking about things that can bring them closer together.

Things that aren’t to be ashamed of.

Things that should be enjoyed.

Thunder positivity is important!

Sheila Shaming is repulsive.

But safety’s important, too.

Some men think they should have the right to make decisions about YOUR bloomin’ onion.

You don’t want to have a joey too soon.

So before your first boomerang, we just wanted to make sure you know that human reproduction naturally takes place as internal fertilization by sexual intercourse, during which process the male inserts his erect didgeridoo and either partner initiates rhythmic pelvic thrusts until the male ejaculates semen, which contains sperm, into the vaginal canal.

Yum, Aussie-Tizers®!

This process is also known as “coitus,” “mating,” “having sex,” or, euphemistically, “making love.” The sperm (being one of approximately 250 million sperm in a typical male ejaculation) travels through the cervix into the uterus or Fallopian tubes.

Anyone want to split my toowoomba?

Only 1 in 14 million of the ejaculated sperm will reach the Fallopian tube to encounter, penetrate and fertilize the ovum, creating a zygote. Upon fertilization and implantation, gestation of the fetus then occurs within the female’s uterus. Got it?

Of course, this may not be relevant to you at all.

You might not like Blokes!

You might prefer Sheilas!

(Frankly, we’d have a lot less to worry about if that’s the case.)

Or you might like both!

You might not even want to be a Sheila!

However you feel, we just want you to know that we’re so supportive and so cool and open and available to speak with you about anything on your Walkabout.

We’re root rats ourselves, aren’t we hunny?

Very comfortable being nuddy.

Love slipping off the knickers and ripping off the daks.

But usually when you’re at a sleepover, and the rellies aren’t around.

Sometimes have a couple coldies to relax if we’re devo from work.

Then we get drongo —and eat a big, hot brekky.

So don’t feel like you have to go to your mates about mating, or your ask your lappy for answers.

We’re here for you, you little ripper!

Tell you all about birth at the Rainforest Cafe—we reserved the Gorilla Room!

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