Establishments That Would Have Replaced Central Perk By Now

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  • The city’s biggest Duane Reade!
  • An NYU dorm, lived in solely by the children of Russian billionaires.
  • Gwyneth Paltrow’s frozen yogurt store that — instead of having 16 flavors — only has one. That flavor is placenta.
  • The brick and mortar location of your favorite makeup subscription service. You can’t buy makeup there, or sign up for the subscription service. There is no reason for this brick and mortar location, and yet, it exists.
  • A pop-up gallery with art dedicated to a pre-gentrified New York City of the 1970s and 80s. Admission is $1,000.
  • A cat cafe where YOU get to be the cat.
  • Up the Gulch, an NYU bar that has racked up many, many health code violations. No one in the neighborhood knows how it has stayed open so long, and actually, would be happy to see this “institution” go.
  • An upscale bar called “The Institution” that cheekily nods to its predecessor Central Perk by serving alcohol in coffee mugs. It has the opposite of its intended effect, and makes the sting of losing the beloved coffee shop much, much worse. 
  • A designer handbag store where you can hand-select the cow that will eventually become your purse.
  • The neighborhood’s fanciest luxury condo, where successful TV actor Joey Tribbiani is said to own an apartment. Although he’s rarely there, he’s called the decision to own property there a “personal one.”
  • A re-creation of the set of Seinfeld.
  • Starbucks

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