Why I Let Matt Lauer Perform At My Open Mic

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Hey guys, I wanted to clear the air about my decision to allow Matt Lauer to perform at my open mic because the witch hunt has got to stop somewhere. Why are we still mad at Matt Lauer? He has already paid the ultimate price, he was fired from his job for just one little mistake he committed many times over the course of his entire career. If that’s not punishment enough I don’t know what is. But despite this fact the PC police, who don’t believe in free expression, and the online bullies, who need to have their accounts suspended for what they’ve said about me, are all up in arms again. 

Listen, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little biased, but what fan of comedy wouldn’t be biased towards Matt Lauer? Think of all he’s done for our lives? I can’t think of a single comic who didn’t spend his formative years waking up at 5 a.m. to watch Lauer and the gang shoot the shit and do great bits about how unseasonably cold it’s been, how good that turkey smells, and how Anne Hathaway should keep it in her pants.

And listen, the last thing I want to be doing is writing this explanation of how I’m sorry if I offended someone. I am a comic, ok? I take chances, I push boundaries, and occasionally I mess up and do something that I pray will never be revealed in the horrible way it was for Matt Lauer. I seriously want to know who these people think is pure enough to do comedy nowadays? If we kick out every comic who occasionally says some racist or hurtful things, every guy who’s dodging sexual assault accusations, and every man who gets on stage because deep down he knows the world owes him something and he’ll stop at nothing to take what’s rightfully his, then the entire comedy industry would collapse.

One thing I want to clear up is that people are now claiming just because we invited on one comedy legend who’s taken a few hits lately, that all of a sudden we’ve always been the open mic where creeps hang out. That is just unequivocally, 100%, an exaggeration. This mic is a free space, it’s one of the last beacons of hope for men in their mid 20’s who flock to New York to say whatever they want, no matter how horrible, unfunny, mean, redundant, played out, offensive, cruel, derogatory, or downright moronic some “people” might think it is. At the end of the day we all have opinions. And the opinions of the hundreds of women, people of color, and gay men who have been calling for this mic to be shut down for years are just that, their opinions.

Before I go, and by the way I will not be reading comments, so please don’t bother responding to this post with any more mean and hurtful attacks. I will report you and call your boss. I just want to reiterate that this man lost his job! He has suffered enough and the poor man’s kids are now struggling to get by. We’ve already taken away his career, are we now really going to take away his right to make a living doing what it is he always thought he might want to try sometime? This whole outrage culture and culture of getting all worked up and angry over every little thing needs to end. And I swear if I hear one more bad joke about how out of touch I am for having him on, I will come after you and I will end you! 

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