Say Goodbye to Zoom Meetings!
Tired of virtual meetings? Get vaccinated so you can get back to work, in person! *Pants not included* $1400
Open to Trades
Have Coronavirus vaccine, asking $1000. Open to trades (snowmobile or hot tub, no VHS tapes or ornamental teacups).
Vaccine from a smoke-free, pet-free home in excellent condition. Can be yours today for $800!
4 doses of vaccine available immediately. Now your family can finally take that vacation you desperately — oh so desperately — need. $4200
*Free* to a Good Home
I don’t need this vaccine, so I’m offering it to a good home* (must submit a compelling 2000 word personal essay, in MLA formatting, as to why you should be the one to receive the vaccine). Pick-up only, no deliveries.
Never before used vaccine. Slight wear and tear (from transportation). Asking $900.
No More Homeschool!
Homeschool class is dismissed. Get your children vaccinated and send them back to school where they can resume being the teacher’s problem. $1350
This beautifully stunning vaccine comes with everything you need to inoculate yourself. Includes: 10cc syringe, ⅝-inch needle, matching plunger, and 1 dose of COVID vaccine. Contact for price. Serious inquiries only.
GVF (get vaccinated fast), so you can be DTF
You thought dating couldn’t get any worse, but then the pandemic hit and you realized just how wrong you were. Now the memory of another person’s touch is so distant you’ve been giving yourself high-fives just to mimic physical connection. It’s time to dust off your favorite dating outfit and get ready to mingle. Get your dose today, so you can be on a date tonight! $1299
Vaccine for Sale (non-negotiable price)
I have an extra vaccine for sale to the first buyer. $850, firm.
Will I take $750? No! How about $800? No! The price is $850 and it’s non-negotiable, so stop asking!
The Only Prescription You Need
Call your pharmacist and cancel your prescriptions (you know, the ones for the crushing anxiety and depression that went full-blown during the pandemic) because I’ve got the only prescription you need: the coronavirus vaccine! Go ahead, allow yourself to think happy thoughts again.
The Cure (the vaccine, not the band)
Please stop sending inquiries about the band The Cure. I am not selling any of their music or paraphernalia. This is a post for the Coronavirus cure.
Vaxeen for Sale
$2000. No more cornteen. COVID vaxeen works good. Buy now. Cash only.
Absolutely a real vaccine, I promise.
This syringe no longer has its label, but I assure you it is a coronavirus vaccine. $1200. No refunds.
Get Back to Your Old Normal
Are you sick and tired of the “new normal”? Purchase this COVID vaccine and get back to your old normal. $1000
Gently used vaccine for sale. $700 OBO.
You know that saying, “You can’t put a price on your health?” Well, it turns out you can. Get your Coronavirus vaccine today for $1500.