Look, I think I speak for the entire company when I say what a thrill it is to have Earth’s very own The Moon sitting in our boardroom right now! I don’t get excited too easily, I’ve done Super Bowl ads for Christ’s sake, but this is truly a thrill. Your bit about Jupiter hoarding moons is hilarious and that’s a huge compliment coming from me because I know comedy.

Here’s the deal, could I take you on as a client right now? Sure. Would I do a great job? You bet your gaping craters I would. Listen, we like you, but we’re looking for a better fit and a client who can pay us.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in the business of turning down business! I haven’t been that crazy since I did blow for seven consecutive days straight. True story, I woke up on a houseboat off the coast of Rio. But come on, you don’t even produce your own light. You’re basically the back up singer for the Sun. Are you in contact with The Sun, by the way? They’d be a huge get for us.

I get it, you get billions of views per day. You are the original influencer. You’ve had an audience since literally the beginning of time! From one hustler to another, I don’t have to tell you how many people lose their shit over you when you’re full! I’ll admit, even I’ve tried to capture a photo of you rising over the ocean knowing it was a futile endeavor! But I’m gonna level with you, guy. People get the most excited about you when you disappear into the Earth’s shadow. 

So look, I gotta head to a liquid lunch meeting, but I loved hanging with you, man! Keep in touch and if you need validation, see Christy at the front desk.