Legitimate Reasons Why I Cannot Attend Your Child’s Piano Recital

  1. I have family in town that weekend.
  2. Are these child pianists going to be paid? I’m against the exploitation of children.
  3. These are unprecedented times, so I can’t make any promises.
  4. I was issued a moving citation in the metaverse and my date in meta-court is on the same day.
  5. My therapist says that piano played by anyone but an internationally renowned pianist is bad for my mental health.
  6. It’s going to be a very special day for us in the crypto community and I don’t want to miss out.
  7. Supply chain issues.
  8. I have tickets to be in the live studio audience of America’s Funniest Home Videos. Yes, it’s still running.
  9. If your child plays Tchaikovsky, we’ll be indirectly supporting the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
  10. I’m currently an active participant in a game of Hide and Seek and I have strong reason to believe that the Seeker will be in attendance.
  11. That’s the exact date and time that I’ll be doing my taxes at H&R Block.
  12. Remember how I went on that Royal Caribbean cruise a while back? Well, now I have Havana Syndrome and I don’t want to risk exposing the children.
  13. What’s the dress code? I only own sweat suits now.
  14. I’m on the verge of single handedly solving a cold case from that true crime podcast I told you about. Not that one. The other one.
  15. I finally figured out how to get past The New York Times’ paywall, so I’ll be catching up on news for a while. It’s important to stay informed.
  16. With COVID, most people lose their sense of taste and smell. Not me though. I lost my hearing.
  17. I’d have to drive there, and I’m trying really hard to minimize my carbon footprint. We all should.
  18. My high school sweetheart is getting married that day and I need to stop the wedding.
  19. They’re filming a Marvel movie in my cul de sac, and I’m blocked in.
  20. We have tandem parking, and I’m blocked in.
  21. For some reason, I’m blocked in.
  22. A fortune cookie from a credible Chinese restaurant warned me not to go. It was very specific.
  23. I have an appointment with my Spectrum Internet technician that I’m really looking forward to.
  24. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s cake.
  25. That’s the last day I have health insurance and I need to make the most of it.

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