I thank you for inviting me to your yearly bash.
Last year it was the latest news. And so was I.
I’d promise not to lead a line dance
through rooms you hadn’t ever cleaned,
or slit your carpet with that knife
because I missed the cake.
You didn’t know how much I drank,
and I will never tell.
Unfortunately, I must bow out,
I have a scheduling conflict.
I can’t miss my Captain Kangaroo reruns,
or forget to moisturize my face with Vaseline.
Still, I thank you for your kindness.
How sweet of you to think of me.
I know you invited me because
I’m your husband’s sister.