Ted Cruz’s Legislative Plan I Should Have Told to White Women Voters in Texas


  1. Ban the use of “Unless you’re God or George Strait, take off your boots” wooden signs in homes. Same goes for oversized bejeweled wooden crosses.

  2. Outlaw the sale of Mary Kay Cosmetics at events where “all the girls will be!”

  3. If you share a recipe video on Facebook, you’re legally required to make that recipe.

  4. Gossip tax on any woman who criticizes their best friend Henrietta’s new 3rd husband.

  5. Turn all toy poodles into full poodles.

  6. Pro-tupperware parties, but none of the lids match the bottoms.

  7. Loud jewelry needs to be quiet.

  8. Marshalls store hours cut in half on Black Friday.

  9. Church outfit compliments cease to exist.

  10. Those toy poodles that became full poodles? They’re rescued pit bulls now.

  11. End House Hunters episodes before you find out which house they picked.

  12. Make hair spray and butter illegal.

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