PAST DUE: Expenses for HARRY JAMES POTTER, CLAIM # 5671324 for medical and health services rendered 09/01/1991 – 06/30/1998
Dear MR. POTTER:
We write to inform you that we have at long last completed our evaluation of the expenses incurred for the various injuries and maladies you sustained during your adolescence. It is our policy not to grant leniency for individuals saving humanity, so your balance is now PAST DUE. Kindly remit payment upon receipt, or we will send Dementors to collect.
Have a pleasant day!
| Service | Amount Covered | Explanation |
| Coma treatment following life-risking battle with crazed despot living in the back of instructor’s head | Zero | Witness testimony indicates claimant provoked crazed despot and willingly engaged in life-threatening acts. Therefore, this medical incident cannot be ruled out as self-induced (or “elective sleep”) and does not qualify for coverage. |
| Bone regrowth, one limb (arm), Skele-Gro | Zero | Owing to the fact that claimant’s bones were removed by an accredited member of the Hogwarts School faculty who was not under mind control, we cannot cover these costs. Please request payment from said faculty member before appealing our claim. |
| Coma treatment following fall off broomstick into Dementors, weekend hospital stay | Zero | Mental illness is not on the list of reasonable causes of comas. |
| Coma treatment following battle with Dementors trying to save godfather | Zero | Ibid. |
| Limb (leg) attack from acromantula during another battle with crazed despot | 12%* | Unable to confirm what “acromantula” is. As a courtesy, we cover a portion to provide our clients the benefit of the doubt. |
| Recovery from being temporarily dead | Zero | Death, or “the next great adventure,” incurs a costly recovery. |
| Communing with dead mentor during temporary death | Co-pay* | As this conversation qualifies as therapy, it incurs the standard cost for an in-office specialist. |
| Miscellaneous lacerations and burns from Battle of Hogwarts | Zero | Claim filed late |
| Cracked skull from Bludger | 80%* | Legitimate attack on claimant’s physical body as attested to by multiple law-abiding witnesses. We deem this incident beyond claimant’s control. |
* after deductible is met
NOTE: Deductible has not been met.
AMOUNT COVERED: 18 SICKLES
BALANCE DUE: 487,000.00 GALLEONS
Claim Notes: We recommend claimant discuss with Primary Care Healer if a prescription for a preventative anti-coma potion is right for him, as claimant’s medical history indicates a high-risk lifestyle. Additionally, we recommend claimant be cautious not to put himself in harm’s way.
Lower your deductible up to 50 Galleons per annum by adhering to our fitness plan and logging your Quidditch training sessions!
DISCLAIMER: Quidditch injuries not covered.
For any questions, you may contact us via our Floo Network Hotline. Flu shots are no longer available.
Little Old Lady Comedy 