What Your Favorite “Shrek” Character Says About Your Sex Life

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SHREK
In one word: vanilla. You like it plain and simple. After a long, hard day you don’t have time for all the hub-bub and fuss, you just want something that gets the job done. On rare occasions, like Arbor Day, you like to mix it up, but day-to-day, you’re all about the tried and true.

GINGERBREAD MAN
YOU FUCKING FREAK. You seem all coy and understated in person but when it comes to your lovers, you like to make that gum drop pop. You have a thing for late night snacks, if you know what I mean…and you’re certainly not a stranger to whipped cream and chocolate sauce. 

DRAGON
Let’s just say that chains and whips excite you! S&M is your favorite after-hours activity and you need someone who can keep up. Whether you’re the S or the M, you live for consensual choking and anything involving ropes. You may even be into temperature play but one thing is for sure and it’s that you are UNFORGETTABLE!

FIONA
The seasoned vet, you have done it all. From threesomes in college to sexting at work, you have left no base unrounded. You’re also fluent in the verbal assault that is dirty talk and role-playing in the weirdest costume you can find (remember that one time you did a weird Grinch foreplay?!). You are like the Costco sample pack of sex and your lovers will think about you for years to come.

PUSS IN BOOTS
Kitty cat, kitty cat, purr!! YOU LITTLE MINX! You enjoy bringing toys into the bedroom. I’m not talking scratching posts and chasing feathers, I’m talking sex swings and Hitachis. You truly cannot be tamed.

LORD FARQUAAD
Okay, bb, let’s be real, you’re still a virgin. If you’re a dude, you likely complain about how women never go for the nice guy even though your favorite hobby is sending unsolicited dick pics. You don’t have much to offer besides a Napoleon complex.

DONKEY
You don’t fuck, you make love. You enjoy romantic sex and your favorite part is the cuddling afterward where you can be the little spoon. Your ideal partner is someone who you can shower with affection. Your go-to move is surprising your lovers with rose petals leading to a water bed.

*If your favorite character was not listed, you are a nymphomaniac. 

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