Wednesday, March 18

Hello, class! I really miss seeing you every day. Starting tomorrow, I will post daily assignments on our online learning platform, as well as a fun question for all of you to answer. Stay tuned!

Thursday, March 19  

Today is the first day of spring! I’ve seen so many birds at our feeder today, and I also spotted some snowdrops in the garden. What signs of spring do you see?

Friday, March 20

All of us have been spending a lot of time at home with our families lately! What is your favorite way to spend time with your parents and siblings? Bonus question: What do you like to do all by yourself when someone isn’t asking you where his Bluetooth headphones are for the millionth time?

Monday, March 23

We’ve been using this online learning platform for a few days now, and I’ve heard from your parents that some of you are finding it hard to use. Do you think the person who designed it had ever used a computer before creating this piece of trash?

Tuesday, March 24

It’s important to get some exercise every day, whether it’s outdoors or indoors. So right now, get up and walk to the bathroom. Count the rolls of toilet paper. If your parents are hoarding toilet paper when I can’t find any to buy (seriously, I’ve tried everywhere), do you think they should be publicly shamed?

Wednesday, March 25

Baking is a very popular hobby right now! Do you like to bake cookies with your family? Bonus question: Speaking of cookies, if your family ate the last of your Thin Mints (and you can’t exactly buy more during a freaking pandemic), how would you teach them a lesson in an effective but legal way?

Thursday, March 26

Principal Riley told me that he has received several complaints that my daily discussion questions are inappropriate. Well, if anyone knows inappropriate, it’s certainly Principal Riley! The only silver lining to being stuck at home for weeks is that I don’t have to hear his pathetically unfunny, misogynist jokes. What is your favorite joke to tell your family? Here’s my favorite joke: Principal Riley!

Friday, March 27

Happy Friday! The school is now requiring me to use pre-approved discussion questions. Here is the first one, straight from your principal: Half of your parents are telling us that our teachers are assigning too much work, and half of them are saying it’s not enough. What an interesting dilemma! Keeping that in mind, what is your best guess for how our teachers reacted today when the state announced that spring break is canceled?