In readiness for Valentine’s Day, we at See’s Candies asked our employees to come up with a romantic message for our special gift tags.
Here are the results (with our comments):
- Happy Valentine’s Day!
- I love See’s Candies.
- See’s Candies are Da Man!
(Not very romantic!)
- See’s Candies are my bag, baby!
(Too Austin Powers!)
- See’s Candies are my valentine, baby!
- Happy Valentine’s Day to All You Cat Lovers!
- I love See’s Candies more than I love my cat.
- I love my cat more than I love See’s Candies. Although, I really LOVE my cat!
- My cat and See’s Candies are about even in the LOVE department.
(Oh, we get it—a bunch of cat freaks!)
- Run naked through the streets, scattering rosebuds and See’s Candies.
(Not what we had in mind!)
- To win my love, buy me See’s Candies.
- To win my love, buy me See’s Candies, and like my cat.
(Not the fucking cat, again!)
- I will walk to the ends of the earth to buy you a box of See’s Candies AND I will like your cat.
(We give up!)
- I will walk to the ends of the earth to buy you a box of See’s Candies AND I will like your cat. Even if it bites me and poops in my sneakers—as it did, last week! Because you are cute, and I feel lustful.
- A valentine’s kiss should smell of See’s Candies NOT Fancy Feast. So do not kiss your cat!
- I don’t like cats, but I love my dog AND I love See’s Candies.
(Oh, good! A DOG!)
- “The sight of See’s Candies feedeth those in love.”
(Clever paraphrasing from Shakespeare’s As You Like it, and, THANKFULLY, no mention of cats!)
- “If See’s Candies be the food of love, eat on.”
(Clever paraphrasing from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. Gives license to overindulge, so should appeal to the “Can’t-Stop-At-One-Ers.”)
- “Shall I compare thee to a See’s Candy?”
(Clever paraphrasing of Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18. Sweet and romantic. THE BEST SO FAR! Nevertheless, a tad worried about the “lover-as-food” aspect!)
- What is love but some primordial, cannibalistic food lust? An assorted box of See’s Candies wrapped in pretty paper; each sweetmeat a mere sugar explosion of the senses—soon tempered. Sometimes, you bite into a luscious soft center Dark Raspberry Cream, and, like my disreputable feline, Thomas, enter some libidinous “drool mode.” Other times, it’s a garden-variety nuts-and-chews—and you crack a tooth! Then there are the rest, whether ho-hum or delicious, but still you gorge, until you are sick—gobble, gobble, vomit! Why? Because you are greedy, full of fantasy and whimsy—and are nothing but a fool in love!
(Aside from the blatant cannibalism, and that it has a fucking cat [pretentiously described as “feline”], how are we going to fit all this claptrap on a 2” x 2” gift tag?)